that's life, sometimes it hurts, but it's all we have

Do you know how many fucking times I've cried for you?
I don't understand how I can care this much, when you don't care at all.
When you left and walked away, what really hurt was how you made it look so easy, like I never meant anything to you. At all.
If you ignore me, I will ignore you. If you don't start the conversation, we won't talk. If you don't put in the effort, why should I? EVERYDAY, I fight back the urge to text you or talk to you, telling myself that if you wanted to talk to me, YOU WOULD. but you never did.

Those silly conversations we had, those nights where we stayed up late talking to each other. I miss them all, every one of them. All this time I was wasting, hoping you would come around. I've been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down.
Well, I stopped showing what I really feel even if you still mean the world to me..because I realized you’re not worth the fight anymore.
I really do believe everything happens for a reason. But sometimes, it's hard to figure out why some things happen the way they happen. I let go, I'm ready to take a move on
Just be happy, dear you~

Welcome 20!

Today was such a happy day with so many people.
Begun with a small surprise from Ajeng and Raisa at midnight (thanks for the goodtime and choco wallens); Ajreng and Rachma at afternoon (thanks for the klappertaart); and unexpected surprise from high school friends Mega, Gyan, Erica, Eno, Asti, Toni and Abi at evening (thanks for the blackforest), and the end at night i got a surprise from Melati and Marina (thanks for the donuts).

So many happy things returned this year. People yet come and go, but i never missed any attention, i'm not alone. Im surrounded by many people who really care abt me. Thanks for so many wishes, prayers, and greetings from my friendsss in real life and socmed... i love you so much. May everything that you all have wished for me, will be returned. Cheers

You : *look deeply into my eyes* Finally i found you. where have you been?
Me : sorry? did you try to find me? *chuckled* Lord saved me :p
You : is that sooo? hmm?
Me : where have you been? i have been here all the time. you were so blind baby~
You : i wasn't.
Me : Yes you are! you ignored me, you kept blocking your sight from me.
You : ....
Me : Do you remember when you were with someone else but you still didn't understand your own feeling?
You : hm?
Me : Let me tell you,a piece of puzzle can't be suitable with another piece that isn't its mate. and so do people's hearts.
You : whatever. the matter is now, you are so mine. and one thing that you have to know is, i don't like sharing what's mine. i don't like sharing you. i don't like to see you with other so and so.
Me : clingy!
You : yes i am.

Red

Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street, faster than the wind, passionate as sin ending so suddenly.
Loving him is like trying to change your mind, once you're already flying through the free fall.
Like the colors in autumn, so bright just before they lose it all.

Losing him was blue like I'd never known.
Missing him was dark grey all along
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met, but loving him was red.

Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you.
Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song.
Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer.
Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong.
Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes.
Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go, but moving on from him is impossible when I still see it all in my head.

And that's why he's spinnin' 'round in my head, burning red.